So I buy a used van from someone @ church a month ago, and what I thought was going to be a simple process turned out to be Bureaucratic Hell.

Here’s the story of how one man, on a quest to properly register his vehicle, managed to finally accomplish the task of acquiring the coveted Maryland state license plate tags.

This was easy. It consisted of meeting with the seller, handing over a check (auto loans are EVIL) and signing the title over to me.

The seller has to take the tags off the vehicle and turn them back into the MVA

From the MVA website:

Return the License Plates to the MVA Before You Cancel Insurance on the Vehicle

Maryland law is extremely strict and uninsured motorist fines begin at $150 for the first day a vehicle is not insured. Unless the seller is transferring the plates to another vehicle, return the license plates to the MVA and retain the receipt, before canceling the insurance coverage on the vehicle.

Step 2: Get some temporary plates, pay taxes & title fees
Cost: $498.50
Pro: I can ‘Legally’ drive to get my vehicle inspected, yay!
Con: It cost’s a FORTUNE! and I can’t drive the vehicle I bought to the MVA to get the temp plates, pay fees and taxes; WTF?

Next on the list is to take care of the typical admin nightmares. First of all, I have to make it to the MVA; This could prove to be a problem. I happen to have 3 cars so it wasn’t a big deal for me but what if I just put a piece of shit in the junkyard or got in an accident and bought a new car from a 3rd party? How the eff, when I live 15 miles away from the MVA office, do you expect me to get there to get these temp plates? If I dared venture out without tags, I would certainly face a citation for driving without tags. Yeah you’re smart Mr. Legislator. Retard Government.

Since sales tax on vehicle purchases aren’t that different from state to state,  I don’t have much of a problem paying taxes on the sale, save for the fact that taxes were ALREADY paid in excise when this van was brought into the state from Texas, AND when the seller bought it and NOW when I’m buying it. Aside from the nice little racket most states have in place, I usually accept this as a necessary evil and just get it over with. Maryland isn’t like Wisconsin where you can sell a car for $1 and probably still get away with it. At least you could when I lived there a few years ago.

In addition, there are the typical title fees that you see in every state.

So I drove one of my ‘other’ cars to go get the temp tags. I couldn’t imagine if I was just getting back on my feet trying to make something of myself how difficult this simple task would be.

Step 3: Get an inspection
Cost: (typically ~$75) For me: $283
Pro: I am assured my van is working properly.
Con: I know enough about cars, I don’t need to pay a government-approved mechanic to tell me something I ALREADY KNOW!

Ok here is where I’ll bend a little. There WAS a problem with the van found during inspection, but I already knew about that before I went there and already had a appointment lined up to get it fixed. One of the motor mounts were bad.

I go in for inspection and pay the requisite $75 to have them pretty much look over the car and check shit off of a list. The van failed it however, why? because the front windows had tint on them. In order to pass, I had to get signed off by the MD State Police…. er, I mean the MD Police State.

Next stop, the MVA. There, I had a very nice cop check over the van windows with a tint meter and come to find out they are 32% and 31.5%. Just shy of the requisite 35%. This only means one thing folks, tint removal!

Next stop was Auto Trim Design, very cool place and great guys. They took my tint off the two front windows for the low, low price of $68.

Whew! Finally I can go back. Unfortunately, between the first inspection, fixing the motor mount, having the tint checked by the cop, and having the tint removed, my wife gave birth. Normally not a problem, except I missed the 30-day, 1,000 mile window to get the re-inspection for free.

Luckily, the mechanic I go to are good people and I got the inspection for $40

Oh yeah, and since it’s past 30 days since I got the temp tags, I’m now driving an expired-registration vehicle. By this point I simply don’t give a shit anymore; ticket me, I dare you. By this point I’ve already put a recurring item in my budget for ‘Vehicle Registration’ expenses. HAHA!

Step 4: Permanent Tags
Cost: $180
Pro: Driving legally again. Surprised they didn’t notice I was expired on the temps, whew dodged a bullet there!
Con: WTF has it taken so long for?

I have the coveted inspection certificate!

I drive to the MVA, pay $180 for 2-year tags and I’m out the door. Probably the most hassle free part of this whole thing.

Step 5: Emissions Test
Cost: $14
Pro: Cheap compared to everything else.
Con: Still a waste of time. Global warming is bullshit anyway.

Even though I already knew I wasn’t spewing nuclear, noxious, carbon-laden and carcinogenic gasses by the bucketful out the tailpipe (Uh, maybe because I can scan my own vehicles? haha) I still had to pay $14 to make “the man” happy.

Even though I could have just told him the van was ok and would pass (because I am apparently one of the few who keep their vehicles in order), we the people are never to be believed because there’s no way we could possibly know what we’re talking about. But I digress…

I was in & out of there pretty quickly.

Total (Van + Taxes): $7155

Total of Licensing, Registration & Satisfaction of Requirements: $575.50

Wasted Money (Taxes & Licensing, etc…): $980.50

… Take that, MVA

You guys over there better get to work, I don’t seem to be the only one having problems with your nonsensical laws and procedures. Check out mvasucks.com

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